Working Day on 4th October 2017

1 month and 5 days has passed since my last post about working on the store.

The fewer writings I had clearly shows how rarely I sat down and think. This kind of progress is not where I want to head on my life. Less reflecting and just fast forwarding to an event after another… So, here I am, having some downtime (dictionary.com’s definition is a time during a regular working period when an employee is not actively productive.)

See, I don’t know exactly the meanings of words that I picked and used in my writings, that’s why I often look up for them first on the web. I put effort in small details and Teacher also encourages us to do that because sometimes I see the result only, like, whether my writings were well written or contained these proper words… When I was only fascinated with my result then I would forget years of education in English, how fun it is to learn new words, to practice those words while socializing as well as in writings, the little details and my consistent effort.

September was wild… I talked to a few people about it, I mean, you all knew the end of August I’ve had some problems on my workplace. That’s my trigger.

I faced this problem then it led me to think of the bigger picture again and again. I have been working on this job for 1 year and a third period of time, right… I evaluated my decisions, dreams and actions throughout time. Until I found myself dissatisfied of certain things, see, I am still me who wants to have open possibilities ahead however, everytime I think about ending or changing careers… I came back to this conclusion : I haven’t done enough, I haven’t put my everything into this job.

 

September is when I kept having to-do-lists of small things, I put on a consistent effort and don’t care whether if it was slower than my expectation or it seemed futile. I rather kept progressing than forced myself to work until I reached a burnout. I mean, I tried to enjoy the process rather than seeing only the results of my work.

Environmentally wise, September was a hot summer and my workplace didn’t have AC. It could be worse because my AC on my bedroom didn’t work so well (it didn’t help much). I was used to be so weak on a warm place like that, I became tired faster and more moody usually. This is what Teacher always points out : Fortitude, we need to keep practising until we have that eventhough the external factors are not comfortable nor reliable to lift up my mood.

I spent my money on a smartphone for my mom, charging cables to replace our broken ones and some products to get the reviews of them. These necessary expenses plus leisure themed ones were affecting my capital. I’m still learning on managing money apparently~

I tried new things on September, I tried to be a better version of myself in the customer service/administrative, digital content, inventory and sales department. I tried to be available as much as I could, from after I finished my makeup on the morning until the time I went to bed. That’s how I change and kind of struggling to slow down and reflect on things.

Here I am, I could state this for sure that I knew the progress was “right” because it gave me some real results and yea, I’m gonna hustling for I don’t know how long… I would face problems and sweat through my work, it’s okay, as long as I have the conclusion that I work hard and put in everything to this.

Trusting Without Regret

 

Lia yang dulu pasti bilang gini ke aku, trusting someone just because of love is foolish.

Because of her, I try to collect as many proof as possible to satisfy my common sense. I can be very annoying when asking these questions. However, I can’t deny that I end up trusting someone. Others’ opinion are contradicting my concept of trust. It is because I don’t see the point of wavering in this situation, I don’t see what harm would be bestowed upon me, I mean, if the result of my effort turns out to be an unreliable data… If my research ends up to be idealistic… If it’s verified that way then I won’t have regret.

“Why?” you ask,
As a human, I can only observe my surrounding and strive for the holy bond of human beings. Other than that, such as, being overwhelmed by dysfunctional emotions because my lover decides to leave me or because I want to stay in this relationship so badly, things like these are not my life purpose at all.

Let me put it simply, if it’s true that my lover decides to leave our relationship for his reason then I will have no regret. The most important thing is I do my best while we are still in this reciprocal partnership. I put it simply as my secure attachment type of relationship.

Yes, it’s easier said than done but as far as I’m still myself who solely wants to learn anything on this earth, I’m confident that I am Lia who can take care of myself. Regardless of the unbecoming situation ahead, I’m gonna do what Teacher says, “hold on your grip, stay firm and always be ready.”

I’m here willing to learn and be disciplined of my feelings, thought and action. I have no regret.

The Update of My Question on the 22nd August 2017

 

3 weeks has passed since then.

I let it affected me and became emotionally involved because of several aspects from this event.

I see a kid who has tried his best to open himself to his parents and faced rejection. However, opening himself up is probably a habit in the inner family. If it was me then I could say that I was giving my best in explaining to my parents.

The fact is he faces rejection from his parents and let himself affected by that.

I had a wish, I was hoping (which I thought I shouldn’t) that this kid would keep his promise. He made a statement that he would be comitted in his relationship with his new friend. Despite the obstacles in front of him, I expected him to stay firm with his words. However, it’s always futile to depend on other people, at the end, we can only depend on ourselves.

Working Day on 30th August 2017

 

Today I was working with a different kind of passion, I had trouble describing the emotion, it felt like fury and self confidence(?). There were these triggers : (1) H broke another promise (no surprise there) and (2) someone who did something inappropriate. However, the term appropriate itself hasn’t been clear to me so I was still looking to find the original rule from the main source.

For H, I have kept her replies as evidence that she was the person that she was. My only solution now was waiting for her superior to get this thing done. I needed patience.

As well as for the second topic, I needed the main source to explain the rules here so that I could determine what was appropriate and what was not.

Those were the triggers which shifted my fury to passion. I felt an outburst of energy, had a thought that “I would show them what I can do,” and executed my ideas. I wanted a progress from myself and be patient to walk on the stoic’s path.

I didn’t know until when I could keep this fiery passion up. I just knew I decided favorable things for my future and wasn’t stuck in the corner with head on my knees.

A Fruitless Pride on 28th August 2017

 

Once in a while, my drawer was quite full with fresh washed clothes from the laundry. A glimpse of thought such as “ah, I feel rich right now because I have so many clothes to choose from.” However, after realizing my own thought, I became flustered by shame. Teacher always says that possession is not us and we shouldn’t put it as our pride. I concluded that “I was embraced by pride of my possession for a split second & naturally felt shameful afterwards.”

 

I’ve moved on from that and picked this simple T-shirt and a pair of plain trousers to spend quality time with my dad.

I’m still determined to discipline my thoughts and actions through this massive game or school.