A Thought on the 9th of August 2017

 

I like the evening because it’s always colder than a hot summer noon.

Daytime tests my fortitude by its blazing power. Evening hugs me with kinder and more forgiving embrace. We all exist on the aligning time and dimension with both conditions. This is nature as it is.

I accept it.

When I hate the other and only prefer another, that’s when I choose to perturb myself further.
Only when I choose to be a free man then I will be able to enter another stage.

What stage is that?
I believe my own answers.

“For there is nothing evil for the nature as a whole,” Teacher says.

About Luxury

 

Saat ini, menurutku, living like the rich itu berarti bisa memilih apa yang diinginkan tanpa significant loss. Wishlist tercapai tanpa kehilangan something important, nah, itu salah satu contoh of luxury. Ada beberapa kesempatan dimana I am able to savor the fortune. Favors were bestowed upon me istilahnya.

The danger is when I take these things for granted or am being dependent on them. I try to properly accept them as something useful and refrain myself from asking/wanting more.

I was reminded clearly when I were a kid and used to be anxious that my stuff would be taken away. What did I use to do? I grabbed things by my two hands and not sharing with anyone. Other example, when someone offered me one thing, I would ask for an open option for several things. There is a lot of example for my greed and anxiety, they are not pretty.

That’s why, I try to train myself although it seems like a futile effort. There is nothing that I can do except practicing this mindset of simplicity.

A Thought on the 4th of August 2017

When I was too tired of the good stuff which had been happening for quite some time. I had no choice than to be alone and resting all of my heaviness on a wooden reclining chair. Once again I surrendered but for real this time. (wait, lol, what a funny word.. For “real” this time… Hahaha)

I decided to dedicate myself to walk through this path once again. No matter how heavy and weary I can be until my time comes, I’m going to let go all of this mass.

I had been ignoring parts of nature and nature as a whole. That day, I opened myself and acknowledge myself as a part of whole. The dark sky seemed like a blank slate, another fresh start also a companion. It didn’t ask, judge or else.. The night breeze was enveloping me with cold air however it felt comforting to the mind.

I’m still practicing every now and then throughout several situations, still underestimating, falling, failing, dwelling, suffering but I’m always retiring in myself as Teacher guides me to.

A Thought on the 3rd of August 2017

 

Beberapa hari yang lalu, aku nonton lagi video-video tentang volcano eruption in Pompeii, aku melewati lagi area sekitar lumpur lapindo dan lihat fotoku ini, kota dimana terjadinya pengeboman beberapa tahun yang lalu.

Teacher bilang bencana datang ke tempat yang paling tenang sekalipun. It is nature as it is.

 

Isn’t it ridiculous kalau aku sempat berharap aku punya power untuk control over things outside of me?

I think it is.

Even so, aku masih bisa delusional dengan berharap lagi. Kenapa ya? A habit, I supposed…

Maka dari itu, practice, practice and practice terus until it gets easier to accept nature voluntarily.

Kayak setiap hari, aku belajar English vocabularies walaupun ngga terpakai di tulisanku tapi aku simpan as my knowledge. I can only try walaupun ada pemikiran-pemikiran yang muncul “lambat banget belajarnya, saking lambatnya jadi kelihatan konyol.”

 

Di balik awan gelap, ada sinar matahari yang terus-menerus bersinar. Di bagian kecil dari semua itu ada aku, a very small part, a name that soon will be forgotten, a familiar story that soon will be lost, once united with this physical world and later dispersed into the universe.

This is my chance to keep learning about being in the moment.

I don’t have forever, I only have now.

Ah, it’s relieving..

A Thought on the 2nd of August 2017

 

Hi there, me with my second pocket camera.

Kinda cold after a long flight and I missed wifi. If I recalled again, I wasn’t sure why I agreed to join that trip. I didn’t remember my own reasons, let alone ready for any consequences ahead.

I put effort in living differently compared to who I was used to be. Sometimes it’s easier to just pick anything without any consideration. It’s even easier when the results are delightful. I know… Yes, I know that.

However, by living that way, I kept being a weak passivist who was never ready for any bad things. I was sticking myself close to disappointment, despair and regret that led to many things. Mostly, to distractions and mood swings.

I need to focus on my grip and practice what Teacher tells me in order to be a part of nature.

 

Always be ready to depart from this massive game or school since this is not everything.

We organize things, there is nothing new.
We see different things and categorizing them, there is nothing new.
Actually, what hinder ourselves from doing things according to our nature?

Teacher says that living 3 years or 300 years, it’s all the same.