[Okay, now I doubt my mental state, gonna ask for some feedbacks after this.]
No, no, the realest reason of why I don’t wanna say it in your face is that
Among a lot of things, I, truly hate myself for blaming you, other people and the environment. I hate that part of myself, including hating my similar impulsivity as yours.
Also, I don’t wanna fight for you, I don’t wanna have a profound relationship with you. No, thank you, I don’t want to.
Maybe today was just one bad day but your personality hasn’t changed for these couple of years I’ve known you. You annoy me to the core hahahaha. You deserve someone else and not me.
Before this day came, I had plans for myself, I was intending to be ready physically and mentally to meet up with my relatives tomorrow. Sorry, but I’m not gonna dwell on this situation for long and ruin my own plans, okay. I refuse to stay the same man as I am, the kind of man like you, I am repulsed by the thought of it.
I don’t wanna be on my deathbed thinking, “oh.. If only I was a changed man…”
No. I can change and I will.
I’m going to remember this day.
I’m going to remember it as the day I decide to not spend my money on useless stuff.