I said to you, “hey, do you know that I think you are so fresh to death, it is refreshing knowing a person like you among bunch of people who are just so positive about everything.”
Wait, I kinda forgot the exact words lol.
You see life as it is and sometimes (or too often malah) in a depressing way which is different from people I’ve known. You set aside your own needs and desire but not for the sake of others’, it’s for the sake of yourself (wait, am I interpreting you correctly? haha). You were not burdened of how people would see you, you didn’t care of this thing called ‘image’. Though now you do and it’s because of me, I’m sorry about the painful change #immabadinfluence
You do not chase what these people call as Happiness, it was a mystery, I have had doubts about that until I truly believe it is really You (you are not eager to be happy). Is it called melancholy? I don’t know. You are not drowned in sadness or anger in various stressful situations, very assertive and stable.
You perceive meetings as you are leaving footprints on people’s lives, wait, I think the exact word is ripple huh? You do not pursue your existence to stay in theirs because your marks would linger and that’s enough for you. I’m very intrigued because now you are working your way (or maybe since we met but I didn’t realize it) in to mine. I’m glad though we both now it is a stupid decision. As we all know, one day I have the focus, another, I was gone to a different world.
I’m kinda sick of the popular quotes of positivism though my instagram account is @soberandpositive. You are not anti-happiness, no, not at all, you are the just the master of resilience whereas you inspire me to face my problems. Not running away from them, not fighting them away too. You inspire me (though still I suck at these areas) to do something useful in a chaotic scenario. Whether we know the truth but as long as the truth doesn’t get us anywhere, well, we don’t need to speak our mind about it. “For what?” I think that’s what goes over and over my head, your words are like wisdom to me.
In many situations, I can basically hear your voice and what you would say at that time.
I had a mission in mind back then… I wanted us to live such luxurious lives someday, for you to be able to experience beautiful stuff which I was sure you would like… Solely, because I enjoyed it myself. Itu pemikiran yang dodol banget apalagi setelah knowing you after this period of time…
You are very easy to please, let’s say you are cheap (in a positive way). Except for my focus and attention on you, it surprises me how quick it is to make you content. You don’t need expensivest shit (like I do), you don’t try to build an image of a rich man or stuff like that.
My fantasy of us shifted when you told me, one of the most inspirational relationship goals was :
we were used to struggle financially until we are not anymore…
I think I was somehow affected by that plus I have always wanted to take you to places where everything is more colourful, more vibrant, more alive…
I thought I would be running out of ideas by now but apparently, I’m still listing… Where should we go next? I don’t care now. I guess we have tons of time, ahead of us.
I wanna go to the place you’ve always called as ‘home’. Nothing fancy or complicated but there is us together without worries or deadlines for some time.
I haven’t edited this post, still raw.