Falling

 

You said,

I have my heart locked for years while you were giving your bleeding heart to me without regret. Now, I set my heart open and trying to give it to you.

You said,

You were used to be ready to fall from the cliff alone although you were secretly wishing I would fall with you. Now, we have actually fallen from the cliff together and survived at the bottom. We are camping under the starry sky, being hurt and miserable yet more connected somehow…

I agreed.

You said,

You were used to love me but now you are falling for me.

Me : Thank you
This month, I lost myself and found it again (like my other posts). I was confused and finally could see things in clarity. I tried my ways and they failed, I didn’t know what to do other than doing this, walking on this path which is camping with you.

I said,

I have been enjoying your dish for years then there was someone else who became aware of it too. I chose my pride+insecurity and left you by assuming the new person would stay. I was thoughtless, that person left too then I became sure of myself… I couldn’t leave, I have always wanted your food.

You replied that you were taking a break from cooking until… Later, when your time will come again.. Hahaha

Take a Good Look of Your Self

Hahahahaha

when I threw him away (not letting go peacefully) with the thought, “bitch, you can have him. There, treat him well.”

and what did you do?

You threw him away too. (Remember that? Ha? Or your memory just sucks about hateful things in life)

I’m the one who is despicable?
Yea, that’s right, what’s there not to hate about me.
And so are you.

Ah yes, you hate that part of your Self too… So what? Now you’re trying to fix that and conquering the world?

Then, I realized you were just all talks and auto-promising things to feed your grand self image.

I accept my weakness and I’m not gonna change for who I am. But if you think you are better, you are mistaken. We are bitter and utterly ridiculous. You and I are on the same level. You are a loser just like me.

You hate yourself? I don’t.
You’re ashamed of that part? I am not anymore.
You try so hard not to be yourself.
I try to be more of myself now and keeping it real while you are chasing after your self idealism. Good luck with that, and oh btw, you are a loser on denial. Hahahaha

Wearing a mask and all that, tryna be cool, tryna be someone better, haaa… You must have been kidding me, huh. Or kidding us.

Do you know why I stay here… Because I don’t care about you and your epic fake effort in daily basis. The dumbest thing I did recently must have been disillusioned myself that you were better than me.

That’s all I gotta say.

ECC and ANX

 

Where to begin…

Let’s toss it in the bowl and mix it like salad, shall we?

Around 3 years ago, I met this hooman being (hahaha, actually longgg before that but whatever). We are onions, peeling our layers off make us cry.

This relationship is challenging indeed, find our happiness just to lose it again… Back and forth like that… Bu, bu, but everytime I pull myself so hard and just end up clicking myself to him like a magnet.

No man makes me try to crawl and stand up after feeling so low. No man has ever hurt by me and always says “I’m still here and not going to leave you, so..”

We are just fragile hooman beings, like onions on top of broken eggshells? The more we see our vulnerabilities throughout time we have passed together, it’s scary to be exposed… It’s nerve wrecking… It’s unlike any other relationship I have had.

I have goals for myself now, something I have never tried to think of before (belum telattt)

I am going to be someone who deserves him

If I feel lacking then I’m gonna be honest and direct about it

The foremost thing is fighting for him in many ways I can possibly imagine.

 

Page 2

Let’s say,

3Y1D

It was a special day, I met my lover’s significant other out of our impulsivity. How should I name him… Hmm… How about… ‘KA’ which stands for ‘Kinda Alike’ with me (based on my lover’s, KA’s and my own conclusion).

What do you mean Kinda Alike, Lia?
I mean…
The way we think, feel, react and many trivial things are very much alike. That’s certainly why we are very attached to my lover.

What I feel about KA (the person I finally met for the first time in my life) is like … Like, how I know it is me, what I like and hate about myself, you know. He said we could probably be best friends in the next lifetime.

3Y2D
My siblings kinda went away for some time now and my frenemy said things like how she hasn’t been making new friends and has been trying to do it lately. I replied to her how I have been like that for more than a year.

My mood was going down for minutes until he and I talked things through.

I was being lifted up by him, like, he always does that for me… He gets wet because of my bad mood splashes and we have been working on that.

3Y3D

Today was such a fun day, a fun date, we smiled so wide and laughed so hard. There was something else happened~

Yesterday, I decided to stop reading their chat because I haven’t had KA’s consent.

On our date today, I told my lover that it would be a good idea if the three of us hang out again in the future. He said he would agree upon it if I was willing to try getting to know KA. Well, I said, I couldn’t do that so…

However, KA also proposed the same idea to us which we finally agreed on together. So, starting from this evening, I had the consent of reading their chat. It was a huge progress, for me…

3Y4D

I was okay and energetic early in the morning (as early as 7.30 AM, I usually got up at 9 AM). I had a busy 4 hour work alone and nothing happened. After that, I had a good nap and woke up with a fresh feeling too…

Around 6 PM, I barely knew what happened, I was… Going downhill, I was terrified by myself, having the idea to take care of the store the day after tomorrow was scary AF. I was having a mental breakdown, like, watching things that didn’t matter, cleaning the store a bit, brushing my teeth though haven’t eaten anything and crying while pausing for drinking water from time to time.

After the crying session, that muscles that pulled the corner of my lips down could finally pulled them up. I became calmer, hungry and getting myself a decent portion of dinner. I could laugh of something hilarious and talked out what bothers me at that time.

Tomorrow, we both planned to meet KA and my friend.

3Y5D

We were both okay by being productive and taking good amount of rest throughout the day. We enjoyed each other’s company, it was great. Finally, the plan was being executed accordingly.

It was great seeing KA spent some time with him… I guess, my evening went alright with my friend… Nothing major happened to us.

3Y6D

Today is the day that made me having a mental breakdown 2 days ago, let’s see how this turns out..

Yap, today was as bad as my expectation, well, for a few hours chatting to him, my bro and sibling was more than I expected… However, it lasted like one sweet candy a day.

I put effort in filling my diary in details and became… Yap. I won’t erase it but whatever.

Page 3

3Y1W

Yea. I was staying close to my Anx, it killed my vibe right off the bat. Still filling in my diaries…

I hardly could keep up with my ‘normal’ weight, it’s decreasing gradually. But, somehow, I was famished by 1 PM, it was weird how hangry I was and quickly set myself a plate of instant noodles and 2 eggs. Then, took a nap like a royalty. Woke up just on time before my last work shift but felt so effin thirsty and had a stomachache. Fffff….

I love him (my lover), he just stays with me in a kind way (not talking physically). Weeks of mood swing episodes and turned me into believing that sharing sadness is a beautiful thing. Because happiness is a lot of work while being sad is effortless. Living effortlessly with him, I love him that way.

to be continued

Love in 2017

Hello world,

I’m back again!!

Without further ado…

 

PART ONE

 

PART TWO

 

PART THREE

 

PART FOUR

 

PART FIVE

 

PART SIX

Review : Kleancolor Skingerie Silky Color Corrector Hijau untuk Kulit Berjerawat

Setelah review tentang LA Girl Concealer/color corrector yang memang efektif untuk menyamarkan kantung mata keunguan, sekarang aku review color corrector ini ya… Bulan Maret ini entah kenapa… Aku jerawatan di dagu dan rahang aja… Asumsiku sih karena :

Back to the Kleancolor… Makasih banget kepada penulis review yang telah menulis reviewnya sehingga aku yakin mau jual Kleancolor juga… Teksturnya creamy tapi sulit diblend, entah kenapa sekali oles udah pigmented dan ‘stain’ di area itu. Setelah aku layer dengan LT Pro HD foundation, mukaku kelihatan putih yang nyeremin banget… Putih yang ngga wajar… Warna kemerahan jerawat serta bekasnya sama sekali ngga kelihatan, hebat banget padahal kalau pakai foundation aja, pasti samar-samar semuanya itu kelihatan spotsnya. Kali ini warnanya sama semua dengan kulit di dahi, hidung dan pipi.

 

Setelah 1 jam (tanpa bedak)…

Semua warna putih abnormal tadi hilang dan warna kulitku jadi lebih natural. Gak ada warna hijau kleancolor walaupun corrector itu pigmented banget. I am very impressed sama performa Kleancolor ini dan pakainya sangat sedikit ya…

Dapatkan harga khusus kita di etalase SALE tokopedia di bawah ini~

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